I think change is something very abnormal to everyone. It's somehow unacceptable. It is hard to accept changes or go through changes yourself, because things just aren't the way they use to be and that is unusual to us all. But I guess changes aren't new, and when a huge change occurs, it makes it all the more difficult to accept or go through it. Some people may find it odd as well. Right now, I am trying to go through a crucial transformation.

I am definitely confused of who I want to be and who I am right now. I guess my friend, Steven Long was right when he said puberty doesn't really stop until you're over 20 years old. I am still finding myself and figuring out what I want to do in the future. I know that I have to go through some kind of transformation, in the sense of my attitude and personality. As I've mentioned before in previous posts, I am a very shy person. I am not a brave person and I don't think I am a person full of confidence at all. I know I have to change that or else, I would never be successful in future, and this will be very tough for me. Coming out of my comfort zone is definitely difficult. After all these years, lying cozily and safe in my little corner, leaving that would definitely be hard for me, but it is something I need to do, it is something I must do.

There had definitely been times when I wanted to change, like last year. I wanted to be a better person, to stop being such a sensitive person and to really be a true Christian. I can't say that I have completely changed and had reached my goals, but I am definitely in progress. Seeing that I'm such a lazy person, changing is going to be a whole lot more difficult because it needs a lot of work from oneself. That reminds me... I need to change from being lazy all the time to a hardworking person.

I think one thing that I am missing right now, that will help me a lot in this transformation process, is... friends who are there for me, encouraging and supporting me, giving me confidence and talking me through all these. I know that I have really great friends, but something just doesn't seem right. I just can't find someone I can talk to about this. I guess many people are quite laid back and wouldn't want to try being analytical just to help me out, or maybe those people aren't really my friends at all because that seem like they don't really care much, do they? But I just don't know who to go to now. I don't how to suddenly talk about these things to my friends. I am so confused right now. I just wish I would stop growing up, I just wish everything could stop for awhile, I just wish the world will stop trying to improve all the time and be content for once. I think I'm getting a little out of topic here...

Change... Transformation...

I guess... for me to really go through these and achieve what I want to be after this process, I need to have faith in God to deliver me through it...

Hui

Christmas

Christmas is in two days' time! That's if your clock is GMT+8 or only a few hours ahead or later.
I love Christmases! I really love the songs, as in the Christian songs and all. Christmas is really special to me. It's a feeling I can't really describe and although I don't really do much on Christmas Day nor am I very involved in the preparations for Christmas in church, I still love Christmas and it is a special day in my heart.

For some reason, Christmas always brings me back to Winter. I love Winter. Perhaps the main reason of why I love Winter so much is because it never snows here in Malaysia. I still remember the first time I saw real snow dropping from the sky. I was at Japan and I was twelve years old then. And the snowflake shape really is the snowflake you always see on television or decorations. Well, not all of the snowflake look that perfect but there are that look exactly like that. It's just so beautiful! I can't believe how scientists do not believe in God. All the tiny details of every living creature, and every wonderful things in nature, how can they not see that God is so real? And all the great, terrible, terrifying disasters and creatures on this planet, doesn't all of that make you stand in awe of how Mighty our wonderful God is?

Let's not forget what Christmas really is about. It is to remember of the reason why God sent His one and only Son, Jesus to this earth around two thousand years ago, so that we may have the chance to repent and be forgiven of our sins, that we may have salvation in Him.

Merry Christmas everybody! (:

Hui

So, it's less than two weeks to 2011. That means I have less than two more weeks to decide whether I want to go for the January intake at MCKL or not. But my mum's been busy lately and I can't find much time to discuss about this with her.

A part of me is reluctant of going to college. I just don't want to grow up so fast. Everything really is happening so fast. Sooner or later, I will have to make the decision of what I want to study and what I want to be in the future. I wonder if I would ever be a doctor? If I were to be one, I would most probably do something related to children or animals. I don't think I'd be an engineer, although I find physics quite interesting compared to biology. The only reason why I dislike biology is because no matter how I study, I always get bad results in my exams, but I guess biology isn't that horrible? I love chemistry though. I love all those equations and the danger of it when you mix something wrongly.

I don't think I would ever go into the art stream. I don't think I am creative or innovative enough to take up such jobs. I find art stream really hard, and I'm sure many students out there who are studying art stream are glad that I am actually saying this unless they're really smart art stream people. Lol. I don't think I can do business and stuff like that. I can't communicate well and I don't really know how to handle all those kind of finance stuff, whatever it is. I guess I'll just stick with my science. Art stream students are the people who are going to be earning big cash in the future, if they do it right of course.

I'm just so frustrated and confused about my future now. Gosh... I'm so lost.

Hui

I have been reading the Gospel according to Luke these few days as preparation for my Bible Knowledge examinations this Thursday, and I still have the book of Acts left! I am really panicking now. I just never learn from my lesson, not to do things at the last minute.

Anyway, it strikes me how great God's love is for us when I read all the parables in Luke, how great God is to forgive us for all our sinful ways, no matter how many sinful acts we have committed since the day we were born. We can see that just from simple parables like The Parable of the Lost Sheep and the Lost Coin, or the Parable of the Prodigal's son.

A few days ago, I was online watching the cartoon movie "Prince of Egypt" on youtube, and I saw many comments from non-religious people and non-Christians, saying about how they love that movie a lot although they do not believe in the Bible or God, and how they love it because it does not emphasise so much on the Laws of the Lord. There were people asking questions as well, about why didn't God just kill Rameses and set His people free from Egypt.

How easy it is to ask questions and criticise God's plans, and indeed it would have been so much more easier if God just killed Rameses or just tell us whatever His plans were for us, but then, it wouldn't really show how mighty and wonderful He is, would it? We would eventually take God for granted and fail to realise or be sensitive towards God's greatness. Many times, I thought the same too. Why can't God just speak to me right now and tell me what He wants me to do and be in the future. That would make things easier for me and I don't have to sit around wondering what to study for college next year, which college to go to. Perhaps for some young adults, they would wonder why God wouldn't just tell them who He wants them to be with, who their soul mates are. Perhaps for some people making tough decisions, why can't God just give me an answer straightaway? It would make EVERYTHING so much more EASIER!

But that is not how God works. If He just tells us what His plans are for us, then there really isn't any point in trusting Him and showing how much faith we have in Him. If He makes everything so much more easier that way, then there's no point reading the Bible, and coming close to God, and having a relationship with Him, and seeking Him at all, is there?

Well, this is just one of my opinions, and if you have anything to comment about it, feel free to do so. I think I shall continue studying the book of Luke now.

Hui

Wow. Time surely flies. I can't believe SPM is almost over! And I'm glad about it. I've did my best although I wasn't all that ready for this exam, but still, I feel confident about it. Now, I just surrender the results to God. I still have to study Bible Knowledge though!

I can't imagine myself going to college. I'm not ready to face the world. I mean, I've always been protected by so many people without really noticing it. I am sort of, secluded from the world, you know, being kept in the house all the time, and since I am such a relatively shy person.

Yes, I am shy. Although I talk a lot sometimes and appear silly by doing crazy things, but I would never do such things or behave like that whenever I am around people I hardly know. I just can't talk to new people, unless they give off the nice, kind and comfortable vibe. Ahahaha. So yea, the thought of college freaks me out. I have no idea which college I will be attending anyway. My future is very cloudy and unclear, like a cloudy solution of albumen suspension, I need some pepsin solution to turn the solution clear. Hahaha! Too much biology~!

Grr... I have to go off now. Will update soon, and hopefully, there will be some photo uploads from prom. (:

Hui