I think I should remain single forever. Wait, no... if I do, I'll fall in love with someone and get really depress about it until I get to be with him. Yet the thing is, I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I always talk about how relationships require a lot of commitment and sacrifice, and I always thought that I was quite a commited person, loyal and all, but I don't think so anymore. I don't know anything about myself anymore. I just know that when I really like a guy, it takes a long time for me to completely let go of him. It takes quite some time to have no feelings, not even a spark for him anymore.

I'm not desperate at all, because I have no longing to be in a relationship. I think what I really wish is that the pain would go away, that I would stop being jealous and disappointed easily, and thinking about a lot of things. I tend to overthink too much and I just push the guy away from myself without realising it. No wonder all the guys I liked before never did like me back. Even if they did, it would be before I liked them at all. Gosh... I'm like pushing away the person I like out of my life, without realising it! Wow.. Now I regret that a lot. I guess I should stop overthinking. I should just let things be, and let things flow smoothly by.

Right now, I am trying really hard to focus on my studies but I just keep getting distracted. Mostly because I'm too lazy to study or too sad to study, so I'll start watching tv, playing the guitar, listening to music and all so that my sorrows will go away and that my boredom will be satisfied. It never works though... For the boredom part I mean, for the sad feelings part, yea it subsides, but it seems that my boredom can never be satisfied for now. ==

I can't believe SPM is so near already! And I'm still so lazy. Gosh... What a bummer...
Right now I'm learning "mine" by Taylor Swift on the guiar and I really need a guitar pick for that song!!! I should stop playing the guitar for now. For some reason, it's easier to write a song on the guitar, not compose a music, as in, write the lyrics out and then play some chords on the guitar and suddenly the melody just comes. Yet when I play the chords on the piano, the melody doesn't come to me. Hmm...

Anyway, this is just some random update. Just to let you know what I'm feeling and thinking of now, and what my state is right now. That's if, anyone out there is still reading this blog since it's been pretty dead this year. Bye for now!

Hui