Have you ever felt, that you want to try harder in doing something but you just can't?
Like loving someone more, helping out more, but you just can't because you don't know how to. Sometimes, you just don't know if you even love or want to help in the first place.

Then you regret it if you hadn't done something, and you keep telling yourself, that you aren't trying at all and wonder when will you ever start trying and stop being so selfish? You keep thinking that you have time, that it's not like the person is not going to die today or tomorrow. But what if he really dies today? Oh, the remorse you would feel! But you won't be able to feel it until it really happened...

I wish I would try harder to love and care for him... before it's too late...

Hui Yi

Oh man, I should be studying Sejarah and Biology now! Or maybe even Physics!
I give up this term's examination! I think I will just read through everything and just go in the class to take the papers, hoping that it will just end quickly. I am dreading language papers as I am too lazy to write essays and read for komsas and literature. I am going to flunk this exam. I can imagine my mum's reaction when I get back my results. It is either she'll be mad at me, or sighing and lecturing me with a hurtful tone. I am such an ungrateful child.

I think I will punish myself by studying the whole year end holidays. I have to prepare for next year's SPM examination already! I heard from Min Yi that they have changed the percentage for the grading of A plus to 85% and above. This really sucks! They really don't want us to get a scholarship! How inconsiderate and selfish... but then again, if it weren't that difficult, getting a scholarship has lost its meaning like how so many things have lost its meaning in this wrecked world.

I find living on this earth really pointless if there's no Bible or love, seriously. You can ask questions to yourself and you'll find living really pathetic because it is all a cycle.

Why do you study?
So that you will grow up and get a good career.
Why do you want to get a good job?
So that you will become a succesful person and will be able to start a family.
And what will you do with money you earned?
To educate your children, to put food on the table, to pay bills, to go on a holiday, to buy clothes, shoes and all the nescerrary things needed in life.
Why do you educate your children then?
So that they will grow up and get a good career and be a succesful person and watch them get married and start their own family just like what you did.
And what becomes of you?
You enjoy life and wait for death.

It's all a cycle. Just like how respiration is a cycle, just like how nitrogen is a cycle, just like how water is a cycle.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Psalms 23
The Lord is my shephard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down on green pastures, He leads me beside the waters, He restores my life. He guides in the path of righteousness, for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with my. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

To God be the Glory!

Hui Yi

Gosh, I'm such a procastinator. Hmm, that isn't new, is it?
Exams is in 10 days! (Not counting EST)
How I hate exams. Thanks to China who created the exam system ages ago.

Sometimes, I just don't know who I am.
I know I have been a real emo punk this year, especially in the beginning of the year.
I cried countless times, and thoughts of "I am all alone in this world" comes creeping in my mind without me realising how and why. Perhaps, I am going through puberty? Well, people go through this puberty phase of confusion of everything at different times, I believe. Like Crystal, who went through this two years earlier.

I mean, who wants to go through puberty again, right?
Ooh, ME!
Yea, Tim. You'd like that and you can go through it again if you want, but not me.
Rodney Tim

That was a few months ago when Uncle Rodney was preaching and Timothy was right at the back at the PA and lights place.

I do not want to go through this again! Never in my life had I ever felt so depress and even thought of commiting suicide. Sometimes, I get sad for no reason. The feelings of sadness just takes over my heart and my heart gets really pain. I wonder what that means. I am pretty sure some of you think I am crazy, but I am not, alright. I am very down to earth and sane, I hope.

I should really start studying now, shouldn't I?

Till then,
Hui Yi

Exams is in less than three weeks! I am so DEAD!
I just started a bit of Sejarah today... And I became depress studying it, I have no idea why.
I still have so much homework to be done!

English : Est folder, literature, continuous writing
Bm : Karangan panjang
Biology : Paper given
Moral : "Project"

Gah. So many essays to write. I am dreading every minute of opening school books.
I guess I am just to lazy. I can't wait for Wei Shan's birthday party this Saturday but I have no transport, still searching.

Oh gosh, he's such a brat. Nevermind who he is but he is such a useless brat!!!
I am deleting his contact and any means or ways of contacting him, except online, of course.
I am deleting him out of my life for good!

Hui Yi

I am getting really sick of people saying that I am emo all the time whenever I am sad. Being sad does not mean you are emotional! For goodness sake, people use the word "emo" but do not understand what it means. How pathetic.

What's more pathetic is that I got sent to detention class for not bringing reader's digest three times. That is plain pathetic. What kind of punishment is that?! Such a waste of time. I have to carry out community service, as if the domestic workers in our school were just put there for decoration. Then I have to endure two hours of English. I am so not doing the work they are giving!

I can't believe exam is on 9th of October! I am totally clueless in Physics, Biology, Chemistry and Sejarah. I think I can only understand Mathematics and Additional Mathematics. I am lost in literature and komsas. How I wish I could turn the time to the day after our final examination and not remember that I sat for the exam.

I can't help feeling sad and happy at the same time. You can't blame me, I can't control my hormones. Didn't you adults felt what I felt when you were going through puberty? There is a reason why they call it puberty. Puberty does not end until you are about twenty. I am really lost, I am going through an identity crisis. And no one on earth can do anything about it, no matter how much people advise or help, they can't help, you can't help. This is called science, biology. I can't control my hormones raging up and down, here and there. So I would really appreciate it if the people who always say that I am emo when I appear sad, to stop accusing me for being "emotional".

See, I am pouring out my feelings here. This is another sign of the hormones...
Okay, forget whatever I said.

I wish we never let go...

Hui Yi

"Can't Make You Love Me" by Britney Spears

I'm just a girl with a crush on you

Don't care about money
It doesn't give me half the thrill
To the thought of you, honey
So tell me that you want me still

If only I could trade the fancy cars
For a chance today, it's incomparable
I might be sitting with the movie stars
Everybody say that I have it all

But I can't make you love me
Is it my life or the things I do?
Can't make you love me
I'm just a girl with a crush on you

I have been through changes, yeah
But I'm still the girl you used to know
It's made me no different
So tell me why you had to go

Oh baby, I will trade the fancy cars
For a chance today, it's incomparable
I might be sitting with the movie stars
Everybody say that I just have it all

But I can't make you love me
Is it my life or the things I do?
Can't make you love me
I'm just a girl with a crush on you

Just the thought of being close to you
It's incomparable
Should be happy with the life
I liveAnd the things I do
Seems like I have it all

Can't make you, make you love me baby
It's my life, what can I do?
Can't make you love me, alright
I'm just a girl with a crush on you

But I can't make you love me
Is it my life or the things I do?
Can't make you love me
I'm just a girl with a crush on you

I'm just a girl with a crush on you

Because "Can't Make you love me" explains it all...

Hui

I should be getting my homework done. I can't believe there's five more days till school reopens.
Mummy expects me to be doing homework and studying at home but little does she know that I have been using the computer almost the whole day except for evenings. How lifeless can I be? I need to have more self-discipline, really, and stop being so lazy. All my plans about watching 'Up', 'The Proposal' and ' Orphan' have failed.

Anyway, Good Luck in your grade 8 piano exam, Wei Shan!
Hope your examiner has the same taste as you do in piano. (:

And, since I don't think I will be blogging tomorrow,
Good Luck in your grade 8 piano exam too, Min Yi!
Don't be so nervous! ;D

Right, I'm off.

Hui Yi